Well, I am defiantly flaring.. I have pain from the base of my head down to my hip on the left side. Even after taking pain meds, it still feels like someone is stabbing me. There is no "comfortable" position. No moving my head this way or that to make it not hurt. I took a bath, I took a shower.. I took drugs. Now all I can do is pray that it passes quickly. Of course, if the past is any example, "quickly" could be weeks. I have been enjoying a bit of a reprieve. Not no pain exactly, but a lot less pain. I guess I have to take the hard with the good. I think that the thyroid meds could be helping some. I don't know though. I think I spend so much time looking for a "miracle drug" that I think everything helps for a while. Although, I was hoping that the thyroid meds would help me start to loose weight.. that maybe the gain was because my thyroid was off and that hasn't happened yet. I guess it is just all in Gods timing. The pain, the weight gain/loss. I am trying not to go into emotional overload. I feel like I am fighting depression back at the door right now. I pray that God will get me through this without the depression because that is a pit that can swallow me up. I think for now, I need to try to learn to focus on the "I am" instead of the "I wish I was". Why is that so hard to do. Why is it so hard to look at all the great things I have and just be thankful instead of being quicker to focus on the things I wish I had or I would like to happen. I am so so very blessed. I have the greatest hubby, kids, friends, and family that I could possibly have. Why isn't that enough?? I am so tired of being selfish. Ok.. list of things to pray for..
1. That my selfish heart will focus on the blessings I have
2. That I will get through this time however long it is without feeling sorry for myself.
3. That depression stays far far away from me!
4. That I can keep doing what I need to do on a daily basis, but also weigh what needs to be done with what I can do and make right choices about my priorities.
Thank you God for this Friday. Thank you for another day that I get to breathe, and love, and care for my family and serve you. Thank you for the job you provided my husband so we have the money to buy food and keep a house over our heads and clothes on our backs. Thank you for my boys that care so much for me they will do anything for me even when they don't want to. Thank you for my understanding hubby that does so much more than he should have to. Thank you that he loves me in spite of myself. Thank you for loving me in spite of myself. Thank you for choosing me before the beginning of time. Thank you for giving up your life on this Earth so I can be saved for eternity. Thank you for every challenge you put before me on a daily basis so I can learn to be patient and gracious and have a gentle and quiet spirit. Thank you for your patience with me in learning these things.
Hey Tania,
ReplyDeletePraying for you. Kyle's sister has all over unexplained body pain, and has for almost 20 years. The one thing she found that helped after years of trying different drugs, diets, doctors, etc is to exercise. She became like an exercise fiend because it actually helps her pain. She looks great now too--lost a lot of weight. She still takes powerful pain meds that knock her out when the pain gets unbearable, but anyway she works out daily and does ballroom dancing. Don't know why I didn't ever think to mention her to you before. I got your comment on my blog, and Grant would probably do well with a pen pal if Asher wants to write him. That'd be great.