Keeping up.

Well, I know I am not keeping up like I should be with how I am doing. I have wanted to, but I have been really not ok by the evenings. On Tuesday I really over did it cleaning the boys playroom. They had so much JUNK in there it took 3 1/2 hours to get it clean. Then I had to finish my day.. taking care of Gavin and baby Leyton... Making dinner for my kids.. so on and so on.. well, I could hardly breathe by the time I went to bed. Wed. I woke up still in a TON of pain. I had to get up and get things done. I got the rest of the enchilada's done. I got my wonderful uncle from the airport. We went to Walmart. Wow.. ya... I was NOT ok. One of the things that I really try hard to do, is not let people see how much pain I am in. When I am in so much pain that I can't handle it, I stay home and not around other people. Well, I have been in so much pain, my uncle is seeing it, and is really watching out for me. I love him and I really appreciate him but I don't want anyone feeling like their being here is CAUSING my pain. That isn't the case. It is just being up and doing too much.
This morning, I did get to sleep in YAYAYAYAYAY!!! So, I got up about 8:30 and started making breakfast. Praise the Lord, I felt good when I got up today!! No left over pain from yesterday. Such a needed blessing. I made blueberry pancakes, and chocolate chip pancakes and scrambled eggs and bacon and biscuits and gravy. I had it ALMOST done when our Abq. family got here. I was so happy with the timing of it. After breakfast, I washed all the dishes *so we would have some for another meal.* Then I got some time to sit and enjoy my family. Then I had to do all the different busy work that revolves around a wedding and company. Ended the day making wedding favors. That was funner than I thought it would be. How does that saying go? Many hands makes light work.. or something like that. having my 2 sisters in law and a friend and I all working together, made it so great! While we were doing that, the guys were watching Avatar. I had the horrible torture of laying in my bed with Gavin and Caleb (who is the son of a friend of Erin who is here for the wedding) to get Caleb to sleep. That was rough let me tell you!! hahaha So, now, I am drugged... and up 2 and 1/2 hours past my bedtime, and need to be done and go to bed. I will try to keep up better through the weekend!
Thank you God for this day! Thank you for my family being here with me. Thank you for my family period! :D Thank you for the blessing of the food that we have to share with our family while they are here. Thank you for friends that are as close as family that we love and appreciate! Thank you for my sister getting married. Thank you for the man you have brought into her life and ours. Thank you for all your many blessings today and all days!

Let it begin!

"What is beginning?" you might ask. Well, this is WEDDING WEEK!!! My hubby left for OKC yesterday, and I miss him. That is normal. Between today and Wed. I have to get my house SPOTLESS. That... not so normal. I woke up this morning.. feeling BLAH. You know when you get up one day, and you just don't feel... quite right... then the next day you are sick? That is how I felt today. Just ikk. Then, by late this afternoon the pain really started in. I had alot of going today, which is always hard on me. Being out and running from 11 this morning till 4 this afternoon, is WAY too much on a normal day. Today, I had to get home and get my bathroom and bedroom clean. Well, when you have a bathroom that is bigger than some kitchens and you have a bedroom that is the size of a good size living room, that is a BIG job. Especially when said rooms haven't been dusted or vacuumed in a loooooong while.. :D  I got it all done though!!!  Except the vacuuming. My oldest son Ethan, he offered to do it for me in the morning because he knows, I can barley stand right now. My pain is pretty well over the top. I am having pain so bad that it hurts to breath. I hope I am dehydrated cause I don't want to get up to potty!!! I took meds at bedtime and I am praying that they help and I am ok in the morning. I spent this morning in bed till I had to get up to go do the things we had to do. I need to be able to get up and do this week!!! 
Thank you Lord God for my day. Thank you for Loren and her willingness and excitement in helping my son be the best he can be on the essay part of the test. Thank you that we could take her out to show her a small bit of our thanks. Thank you for my boys. Thank you for who they are and who they will become as they continue to grow up. Thank you for Ezekiel. Thank you for the things in him that frustrate me so much! Thank you for his loving caring heart. Thank you for how he wants to do everything for everyone. Thank you that he is learning even if it isn't as fast as I wish. Thank you for your timing in all things! Thank you for whatever you are trying to teach me, or help me grow during this time. Thank you for loving me enough to put me through hard times so that I am a better mom, wife, daughter, and servant to you! Thank you for my house that I get to clean up. Thank you that it is big enough that I can have my family stay here comfortably! Thank you Lord, for loving me!

Sunday

First time in a while that I have actually written about a day... on that day!! YAY ME! Probably because I have my computer in my room and so I can write while I am in bed! Today was an ok day. Besides feeling like I was left out of something that I really wanted to be a part of, and then getting invited but feeling like it was a pitty invite... then getting over it and deciding to just have fun. Church was good! I was teasing hubby because the pastor taught today on husbands loving their wives, and hubby was on his way to OKC!!!  He made it there safe. I really miss him already. I hate when he leaves me, but... I understand that it is necessary sometimes. I am glad that he has a job that he loves and he can go and do something good for his job and have some "away" time and enjoy himself with co workers. I will just miss him alot. Like I always do! I got a little of the cleaning done today that I wanted to do.. A VERY LITTLE. Got my bathroom MOSTLY done before my body said.. ABSOLUTELY NO MORE!!!  Now I just have to finish my bedroom/bathroom and then I am good till Wed. morning when I have to take on the job I am dreading the MOST... cleaning Ez and Ashers rooms.  SCARY!!! Pain wise, I am doing ok. The pain meds that the Dr. called in for me isn't the 200 MG extended release that I have been taking daily. It is 50 MG pills that I can take 1-2 at a time every 4 hours. So I am just taking it as needed and I am happy to know that I really am not needing it as much as I was worried I would. I have been taking them only at night and have only taken 2 one night. That is a GOOD THING! I am still waiting on the Dr. to go talk to the nutritionist so he can give me the info from her and prescribe me some thyroid meds! I am really frustrated at how long it is taking. I understand his reasoning, that he is wanting to give me info from nutritionist and my meds all at the same time... but really... I could be 2 weeks into taking the thyroid meds!!!!  All in God's perfect timing. I have to keep reminding myself of that! All in God's timing! He knows all and knows when the best and perfect time for me to start a new med is. If He knows I need to wait till after the wedding, then praise Him!!  Praise Him either way! :D 
Thank you Lord that you not only know the best for us, but really CARE about the best for your children. Both best things and timing. Thank you Lord for giving me the strength and patience to wait on you and know that in your perfect time all things will be done! Thank you God for the church family we have here. Thank you Lord for the heart of our pastor and his family and for the beautiful daughter that you gave them who is graduating. Thank you Lord for the example of you that she is to the young girls in our fellowship. Thank you Lord for my sister and Josh and their future together. Thank you for all the family that is coming to be with her on her special day. Thank you for this house that we can fit all the people in to. Thank you God for bed time!!

Saturday

Had a pretty good day today. I was pretty lazy. I laid in bed late, didn't get dressed till dinner time. Just hung out with my hubby. He has to leave town tomorrow so I want to spend all the time I can with him. I got dressed at dinner time cause I had a date! Well, 3 of them actually. I love date night! Hubby was busy, so I made these guys come with me!

Hubby was at a bachelor party for our new almost brother in law. that is why he had to be replaced for date night. I am telling you, I can't think of better fill ins though! Now I just have to finish making a cake for church tomorrow and enchiladas for Erin's wedding next week. Then, finally... bed!!!  Then tomorrow, church. And kisses good bye to my baby!! :(

Thank you Lord for a good day. Thank you for time with my  boys. Thank you for a nice restful, peaceful day. Thank you for special time with hubby. Thank you for the things I need to take care of food needs for the next week. Thank you for Saturday!

End of my week

Well, I didn't do a good job with keeping up with my posts the end of this week. I went from a good day Wed, to an emotional mess of an end. Thursday was filled with disobedience, destruction, mess, placing blame. I could go on, but what would be the point. I went to bed feeling like a complete and utter failure as a mom. I sent my younger boys to bed with no dinner. I sent myself to bed early. I think Ethan is the only one that had it all together by the end of Thursday. You know it is a bad day when I call my husband at work and tell him he has to come home and discipline the boys because I don't even want to see them. I was tired emotionally and physically. I was completely beat down. I should have blogged that night because part of the point of this blog is for me to journal my feelings so I can see plainly the ways that I am sinning and the things I need to change. I am trying to be as honest as I can. I know that I really come off as a whiner, but I am really trying to see my wrong attitudes so I can work on them. One really wrong attitude is when I had to go to bed Thursday night constantly chanting.. I love my kids.. I love my kids... I love my kids. One thing that makes me more frustrated than anything else in the whole world is how everyone wants to pass off bad behavior of boys with the "boys will be boys" thing. I don't care if they are girls, or boys, or monkeys! There are right things and wrong things. Just because you give birth to a boy does NOT mean that you should just shrug your shoulders and say mess and mayhem will be my life now. There are rules and no matter what your child is, they have to be followed. Just like I WILL NOT let my kids use the "I am a teenager" excuse to get away with being mouthy, moody, bratty and awful, I will not let them be bad and destructive and awful just because they are boys!!!  I mean, does God give us an "out" to sin... "Thou shalt not... unless you are...." umm no, I don't think so. So why does society even within the Christian realm give those allowances?!  Boys are the greatest as far as I am concerned. They are caring and loving and dependable and helpful and strong and kind and strong and, lots of other things. But, there is a certain amount of  childhood foolishness that, boy or girl, we as parents are going to encounter. I just get so discouraged when it feels like I have been teaching this behavior for their entire lives, why after almost 12 years is it still having to be dealt with like this?!  Human nature. Sin nature. Selfishness. Laziness. Mine as much as theirs. I can't blame my boys when I get frustrated with them and their behavior. I know from watching through the years, when my discipline gets lack, their behavior goes down the toilette. When I decide that I am going to sit here and get mad at them instead of going up and laying down the law, I am "okaying" their bad behavior. So when it gets to the point of out of control, that is because I as a parent am being lazy. I am not loving them the best way that I can. The way that God wants us to love our children. I guess that pretty much sums up my Thursday and Friday. I know that God gives us all things in our lives for our betterment and for His glory. I just wish I was better with the challenges and the pain and the hardship of going through some of those things.
Thank you God for my boys. Thank you for giving me all three of them. Thank you for Ethan that has such a kind heart and a desire to help and care for people. Thank you for his care for me even though that sometimes causes an inappropriate anger and frustration with his brothers. Thank you for my husband that has taught my son to care for me in these ways. Thank you that he is willing to come home from work to help me when I get over the top frustrated with these precious people that you have entrusted to us. Thank you for all the things you teach me even when I am so stubborn in learning that it takes the hard road to get there. Thank you for a reasonably easy week physically so I was better able to emotionally deal. Thank you for loving me even when I don't deal well emotionally or other wise.
To God be the glory for ever and ever. Amen 

Wednesday

Well, I can truly say that today was a better day. FINALLY. Even though I didn't have the pain meds in me, my pain never got as bad as I thought it would. Which is SUCH GREAT NEWS to me!! I was really afraid of how bad I would feel today. I got to spend time with my older sister, which I don't always get to do. I got to go BACK to the mall and buy more clothes. I got 2 pair of capri's for the price of 1. OH how I LOVE coupons and sales!!! :D  The kids all behaved fairly well today. I got the first batch of enchiladas done today. So, that means only 9 more to go. I made 2 loaves of banana bread and several batches of these little small cookies. I got to take a nap. I feel like this was a good day and got alot done and got the rest I needed. 
Thank you God for a good day. Thank you that I got alot done today and thank you for my feeling good today. Thank you for my new pants. That seems like a little thing, but thank you. Thank you for the food that I got to make today, and thank you for the people that it will bless. Thank you for the kids behaving well today. Thank you that I got my meds back, that Tom was able to fix the problem. Thank you for my friends, and my family.

Tuesday

Well, today was another one for the books.Got my pain med refill denied... That doesn't work. So, I will have to ask the dr. why he denied them. Can anyone say "tired of this" ? As far as I am concerned, it can end now. I am tired of going to bed frustrated and in pain. I know I probably shouldn't, but I am in one of my spots where I am feeling kind of hopeless. I know our hope is in the Lord, and I know that he will see us though. I know that He has a plan for me with this. I just have trouble seeing it in times like this. I am not in a bad flair right now, that is a blessing.
I did get to go last night with Erin and her friend to get me a dress for Erin's wedding. That was fun. I did find something nice, and I got a little over 30$ off it. That is always nice. I decided I was not going to look at the price. I was just going to get the outfit I liked. Turns out, I got 10$ off each from a coupon, and I got 50% off one item cause of a sale they were having. I love getting new clothes. What girl doesn't right? :D
Funny for the day. My little Gavin told me "we are in a boat together!" I said, "Where are we going?" And he answered, "To the dollar theater!" I love cruisin' on over to the dollar theater with my nephew.
Thank you God, for this day. Thank you for Tom. Thank you that he loves and serves you. Thank you for bringing him into my life. Thank you for the medical knowledge you have given to him to use to help me. Thank you for this condition for whatever reason you have given it to me. Thank you for new clothes. Thank you for fun times with sisters.