End of my week

Well, I didn't do a good job with keeping up with my posts the end of this week. I went from a good day Wed, to an emotional mess of an end. Thursday was filled with disobedience, destruction, mess, placing blame. I could go on, but what would be the point. I went to bed feeling like a complete and utter failure as a mom. I sent my younger boys to bed with no dinner. I sent myself to bed early. I think Ethan is the only one that had it all together by the end of Thursday. You know it is a bad day when I call my husband at work and tell him he has to come home and discipline the boys because I don't even want to see them. I was tired emotionally and physically. I was completely beat down. I should have blogged that night because part of the point of this blog is for me to journal my feelings so I can see plainly the ways that I am sinning and the things I need to change. I am trying to be as honest as I can. I know that I really come off as a whiner, but I am really trying to see my wrong attitudes so I can work on them. One really wrong attitude is when I had to go to bed Thursday night constantly chanting.. I love my kids.. I love my kids... I love my kids. One thing that makes me more frustrated than anything else in the whole world is how everyone wants to pass off bad behavior of boys with the "boys will be boys" thing. I don't care if they are girls, or boys, or monkeys! There are right things and wrong things. Just because you give birth to a boy does NOT mean that you should just shrug your shoulders and say mess and mayhem will be my life now. There are rules and no matter what your child is, they have to be followed. Just like I WILL NOT let my kids use the "I am a teenager" excuse to get away with being mouthy, moody, bratty and awful, I will not let them be bad and destructive and awful just because they are boys!!!  I mean, does God give us an "out" to sin... "Thou shalt not... unless you are...." umm no, I don't think so. So why does society even within the Christian realm give those allowances?!  Boys are the greatest as far as I am concerned. They are caring and loving and dependable and helpful and strong and kind and strong and, lots of other things. But, there is a certain amount of  childhood foolishness that, boy or girl, we as parents are going to encounter. I just get so discouraged when it feels like I have been teaching this behavior for their entire lives, why after almost 12 years is it still having to be dealt with like this?!  Human nature. Sin nature. Selfishness. Laziness. Mine as much as theirs. I can't blame my boys when I get frustrated with them and their behavior. I know from watching through the years, when my discipline gets lack, their behavior goes down the toilette. When I decide that I am going to sit here and get mad at them instead of going up and laying down the law, I am "okaying" their bad behavior. So when it gets to the point of out of control, that is because I as a parent am being lazy. I am not loving them the best way that I can. The way that God wants us to love our children. I guess that pretty much sums up my Thursday and Friday. I know that God gives us all things in our lives for our betterment and for His glory. I just wish I was better with the challenges and the pain and the hardship of going through some of those things.
Thank you God for my boys. Thank you for giving me all three of them. Thank you for Ethan that has such a kind heart and a desire to help and care for people. Thank you for his care for me even though that sometimes causes an inappropriate anger and frustration with his brothers. Thank you for my husband that has taught my son to care for me in these ways. Thank you that he is willing to come home from work to help me when I get over the top frustrated with these precious people that you have entrusted to us. Thank you for all the things you teach me even when I am so stubborn in learning that it takes the hard road to get there. Thank you for a reasonably easy week physically so I was better able to emotionally deal. Thank you for loving me even when I don't deal well emotionally or other wise.
To God be the glory for ever and ever. Amen