health update

So, I went to a new Dr. that I was told that he can help me with my fibro. I got there, and he did all kinds of tests and said.. Yes, I can help you. So... We are on our journey.
He started me out on progesterone, antivirals, and a shot of vitamins B12, D and Folate. Ya... a shot.. every other day. That's fun. I just figure, if it helps.. it will be worth it. He also sent me to get blood work. A LOT of blood work. We just got it back and found that I am very low in vitamin D (which I found out can be a cause of my depression... or at least be adding to it) I also found out (which I always knew but needed a Dr. to believe/verify it) that my thyroid is way off. So, in addition to the meds. he had already started me on, now I am on vitamin D3-5000, DHEA, women's 1 a day. fish oil... and some immuno cream stuff... and a thyroid pill. So first thing in the morning I take a thyroid med... then an hour later at breakfast I take 4 vitamins, and every other day do a shot.. Then at bedtime I take 2-4 more pills (depending on where I am in my cycle for the progesterone and if I need sleeping meds that night.) and when I get the cream (they were out at the pharmacy that I tried to get them from) I will be doing that 2 times a day. I have a second appointment with him on the 29th of March. He told me to plan on feeling WORSE not better when I  go for that appointment.
I am really struggling with a couple things. Number 1 (obviously) is that I am not feeling well. Not only is pain worse.. and exhaustion to the point or RIDICULOUS. Like take a shower and feel like I have run 3 miles.... Stirring meat can sometimes be too much. I can't wait till this stuff starts helping. Number 2.... Most of what I was prescribed is vitamins..soooo not covered by insurance.. also, there is 1 brand in particular that the Dr. either make themselves or just like and so push. I always get weary with stuff like that. Kinda get the feeling "is this really going to help, or are they just trying to sell their vitamins". I have promised myself, my husband and the Dr. that I would try this and keep up with it for a fair amount of time. So, here we go.
The other thing is I have been walking. Every day (except weekends and the week we were sick) since I posted that I was going to start. (can't remember the exact date, but I think it was in Jan) I have been trying to eat better.. and I have GAINED weight. I can't tell you how frustrated I am about that. I keep hoping that when my hormones, including the thyroid, get stabilized that I will start loosing. I HATE that I am back to the nasty, fat, awful, blubber covered, person that I CAN'T STAND.
So, prayer needs are: This treatment helps, and fast. That my emotions can handle it. That I can get a little reprieve from me and the kids being sick. AND we are traveling to Abq this week on Sat. and home on Tues. Which is a short trip and the trip always hurts.
Thank you God for providing this Dr. for me. Thank you for the financial ability to go to see him and to get the vitamins and meds that he wants me to take. Thank you God for giving me the strength to get through this time. Thank you for friends that want to pray for me through all this.

Sick week

Well, we are coming out of the sickest week our family has ever had. Every single one of the five of us had Influenza type A. The nice thing was we were sick all together so we just laid around and no one missed out on anything because of anyone else. :) In addition to the flu, I also had bronchitis. I was in the ER on Tuesday. Went in for a followup on Wed. with my dr and he said he was surprised they didn't keep me in the hosp. He said I "couldn't be sicker if I tried". Don't challenge me doc!!  Sick weeks can be hard, it was emotional for me because I felt like a bad mom to not be caring for my sick little ones. (who were just fine on their own and didn't need me, it was all mental) I hated my hubby being sick. He has never been that sick for that long. He was grumpy. :) Today has been a day of much cleaning and sanitizing trying to get this illness GONE so we can just move on. Pretty much everyone is better. I still having breathing issues if I try to do.. well, anything and I am pretty much exhausted just from getting out of bed, but that is also partially because of my other issues. I know this too shall pass and the coughing will go away and we will all remember "that time we were all so sick" (and probably blame Ethan with love because he was the first to get it.) Just trying to keep the positive in perspective.
1. No school all week!! (with the exception of Ethan that only missed 1 ACC class on Tuesday)
2. Quality time. (ok.. that might be pushing it a little)
3. Caught up on TV shows. (haha!)
I would also like to take this time to say how proud I am of my Ethan who got a 95 on his first French test at ACC. He is continuing to excel so much. Makes a mama proud!!! 
Ezekiel is still doing CAP and loves it very much. I see him growing in maturity and emotionally every day. God has given him such a gift for grace and love for others. I can't wait to see how He uses that in my dear Ez as an adult.
Asher, well he hasn't found his niche quite yet. :) He is so smart and does well at everything he chooses to do. He is happy and loving and smiley (although he would rather not kiss mom anymore so we are working on that) hehe
Ok that is us! Thanks for "listening"
Thank you God for getting us quickly over this nasty illness. Thank you for my family coming together and helping each other as we could as we were all recovering. Thank you that it wasn't any worse than it was. Thank you for the blessing of the school that Ethan is able to go to free for now. Thank you for the grace of him doing so well in it. Thank you for getting us involved with this CAP group for Ez. Thank you that he is enjoying it so much. Thank you for Asher. Thank you for his silly, fun loving ways. Thank you for creating family and for using it to teach us so much about our relationship with you and your love and care for us. Thank you for friends that are willing and able to pray for us in time of plenty and time of need.

update on schedule

Well, I am happy to announce that since I posted on the 10th.. every week day we have done our Bible reading and walking time. I have gotten up to 3 times around the "circle" of houses in our neighborhood. That equals 1 mile. I don't go around 3 times every day. I go less if I need to physically, but I do go EVERY DAY. I am really proud of myself for getting into this and keeping it going! Today is a REALLY bad day cause of the cold coming through and all that I have done today, but I still did everything I needed to do today. I am really praying that I don't get stuck in bed by the end of the week. Praise God Ethan has a license now so if I need to be in bed, he can keep things going on the outside. Which is great since he has 3 college classes to get to every week. Anyway, that is about it for now I guess. I am going to lay here and wait for my drugs to kick in. :D
Thank you God for giving me a schedule that will make us better in so many ways. Thank you for keeping me going even on days like today when I just want to stop. Thank you for my friends that love me and keep me going with encouragement. Thank you for a patient, helpful family for the days that I am in need of just those very things. Thank you for the few days of spring that I could enjoy feeling pretty good. Thank you for my husband that as always is happy to help when and where he can.

New Schedule

Well, I spent the weekend trying to figure out what I can do for me and the boys that will get us in a better place. I need to be in a better place emotionally, and my boys spend WAY too much time on computer/TV. Asher and I are getting seriously chunky and all the boys and I are out of shape. School takes less than an hour a day for us at this point (Ezekiel is only doing it 2 days a week...
So, here is my thought. By 10 in the morning we are all sitting around the table for Bible study time together. It is just us reading silently, but all together. That will give us accountability and togetherness. Then we are going to walk for at least 30 minutes. As we get in better shape the boys will start jogging/running. We are also looking to invest in a weight bench so hubby and the boys can work on that. Then we will do school together if the boys aren't already done for the day. Then lunch time. Then that just leaves the afternoon for laziness. :)
Today was day one and I think it went pretty well. Hopefully, this is day one of some new and better habits.

Thank you God for helping me figure out a way for the boys and I to get back on track. Thank you for giving me the desire to better us and for giving me the tools to do it. Thank you for giving us a safe neighborhood to walk/run in. Thank you for the good attitude of my kids as we go into this, and help me to stay on top of it and not get lazy with it.

whine, whine, whine.

I haven't posted in a while because I feel like I do a lot of whining. I know on the one hand that is why I set this up to kind of have a journal of my journey but it seems like there is more complaining than anything. I am trying to be in a good frame of mind and say, this is what my life is like today, good... bad... or ugly, it is what I have to deal with so it is what I need to talk about. Then the other part of me says, "Who wants to see this??" I kinda get in a who cares anyway kind of mode. I know this is just me being emotional and blah, but maybe I am right. Maybe this isn't the best medium for my journaling because who really does want to read about my daily rant about all things frustrating, hard, and ill in my life. I guess part of me hopes that whoever does read this at least prays for me. I do try to talk about things that are good and exciting. Like the biggest thing right now is my son is about to get his drivers license. Wow.. that is a biggie.. :) Well, anyway that is about all I have to say tonight. I am kinda in a funk and really could go on and on for hours... but I won't. hehe. Thanks for "listening"

Bad blogger

I am so bad at this!! I think one of the things that I struggle with more than anything is sticking with things that I start. I do really good to start.. and then, not so much. I think about it a lot.. but I just don't DO it. Sigh. Well, now I am doing it. Update on me... This has been a REALLY bad week. I have been in bed most of the week which has been extra hard because hubby has been out of town. I have been taking pain meds regularly throughout the day. I know what the problem is, it is the weather here. "Winter" here is a daily change.. sometimes hourly. The temperature can shift by as much as 40 degrees in a matter of a couple of hours and that just KILLS me. That and my hormones this week and being busy over Thanksgiving weekend just has me in the weeds. Unfortunately, I think I am in for the long haul for the winter. I don't see things improving anytime soon. This is really hard for me because being in pain and unable to function normally is SUPER frustrating. I am praying for wisdom on how to get through this time. When to stop.. when to push through.....I think the thing that I am the most thankful for in my life is my family. My husband and my kids are the most incredible people God has put on this earth. My boys will do anything for me, from cleaning the whole house including vacuuming MY room..To now that Ethan is driving he is willing to take me anywhere. Even to girls night last night. :D I know it is the example of their father that has their hearts where they are. My husband will work all day and still come home and take care of me. He ends up doing my job and his so often. I feel bad, but blessed. God is good!
Thank you God for my life. Thank you for the good times and the hard times. Thank you for my hubby getting home safely today. Thank you for my kids. Thank you for the amazing people that they are. Thank you for my husband and for the example of a good father/person that he is. Thank you for all your blessings.

Back

So, after being gone for several weeks, I am back to update. I was blessed to have 2 weeks with my little sis and her hubby and new family. I had the greatest time!!!  As usual, my body gave out the second I was home (nearly) and I ended up with a stomach flu. BLAH.
I have to brag on my boys for a minute though. My boys are so great. :D While I was gone they kept up with their school and chores, they did all they were supposed to do and then some. They even got the house spotlessly clean for me the day day before I came home. They got along well and there was only 1 major problem... Ezekiel cut his finger really badly. But, he is doing well and that was WHILE hubby was home. :) Ok.. I guess that is the update for now.
Thank you Lord for my boys. Thank you for their good behavior. Thank you for hubby and his willingness to let me leave. Thank you for the ability to go and be with my sister. Thank you for all your many blessings!

My week

I am happy. I have done well this week! I haven't had any of the crankies that I was worried about. I have had some emotional issues, but I don't think that is related to the meds, I think that just is because I was good ole plain upset! I feel a lot better pain wise. I actually got quite a bit done today. I even cleaned the carpets in my house! I feel so much better about how my house looks now! That is one of the most frustrating things for me about my condition is that I am a VERY clean person and to watch my house go downhill... I am blessed to have a hubby and children that will clean up for me, but it is better when I can do it myself. Better emotionally. Thank you for all the prayers! 
Thank you God for a good day! Thank you for the ability to take care of my house. Thank you for the boys to help me move furniture. Thank you for friends lending me the machine to get my carpet clean. Thank you for the medication to help me feel better enough to do these things. Thank you for friends for prayer!

Pray for guys

Well, I guess this post is to ask for you to pray not only for me over the next week, but for my guys as well. I just started a round of steroids. That is good and bad. The good, it should kill this never ending flair... The bad, it makes me feel sick... the ugly, one of the side effects (which from the comment hubby made, I think I get) is a bad case of the grumpies. Not only that, but I should start my cycle any day now.. so, I will have double the grumpies. I am hopeful that I can be spared from this for this weeks so my family doesn't feel the need to duck and cover. Any prayers you can send our way would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support! :D
Thank you Lord for the blessing of medication. Thank you for the Dr's that have the knowledge to help me. Thank you for my family and their willingness to put up with me. Thank you for loving me!

To do list

To do today:
Clean bathroom
Go to store
School kids
Grade school
Make dinner
Vacuum
...............
Wow.... the list can go on and on. Over the years I have had to teach myself the different "to do" lists. There is my list of things I want to/need to do, then there is the list of things that ACTUALLY get done (which could have nothing to do with the list I was PLANNING on getting done) and I have learned over the years that that list of things that does get done, is God's "to do" list. We forget that God has our days planned. Down to the seconds..From what cleaning should I do today... to every breath that we take. I have learned that my personal to do list has changed as well. I am now not as concerned about getting the dishes done or the mopping done.. now my to do list has things on it like, get out of bed. Sit with the kids while they do school. Sometimes that turns into sit in the chair in the living room while they do school. Some days making dinner gets done.. Then I have to put things on my to do list that I never expected to have to list to get done.. like getting out of bed ( I know I already said that.. but who thinks that have to "to do" that?!!?!?) And, then I have to try to stay up until a certain time. The clock hits 3 in the afternoon and I want to fall back into bed and stay there till tomorrow or later.
I want to encourage all the moms out there when you are making your to do list for the day, pray while you are doing it. Ask God to show you what He has planned for your day. Then don't let your list become so important that you are upset if "all" you get done in a day is 1/3 of that. God has the most important things for you to do already mapped out. At the end of the day, you can thank God for ordering your day and helping you complete exactly what He had for you to do!!
Thank you Lord for ordering my life. Thank you for giving me your "to do" list every day. Thank you for giving me the strength to get done what you want me to do every day. Thank you for as little or as much as it feels like to me. Thank you for caring what I do in my day. Thank you for wanting the best for me. Thank you for loving me.

Back to normal

Well, our friends went home. We are praying and trying not to be overly hopeful, but hubby is hoping to help our friend get a job at Dell. That would be so amazing!! We haven't lived in the same town for 10 years... or well almost.. and it is TIME!!! We had the greatest time with them!!  I also had alot of pain this week. there were times that it was easy to ignore and just function. Then there were other times that I had to be down. At least I had my friend to visit with when I was down!! :D The greatest thing about the week was that everyone was happy and got along. The dogs.. (all 7 of them) were happy with each other. The kids.. (all 6 of them) were great together!! Very little interference from the grownups. The adults all had fun together. Hubby had to work which was hard because he and John didn't get as much time together. The most important thing this trip did was show my hubby just how much he really misses having a close friend. He has friends here but it isn't the same thing. Just like me. I have friends here, but it isn't Jeni. She has been with me through all the important things in my adult life and the freindship I have with her is not something you can come by easily. :-)
Thank you God for this time with our friends. Thank you for blessing the time with fun and relaxation. Thank you for all being relaxed and happy. Thank you for the thoughts of them moving close to us. Thank you for a good week. Thank you for every blessing.

blessings

Well, I figure if I can use this format to complain, I also need to use it to celebrate!!  Today is Friday! That means my wonderful, handsome, sweet, amazing, hubby will be home tomorrow!! Last night I have to sleep alone!! I am SO HAPPY!! I hate when he is gone!!  Second, we were blessed with the gift of borrowing a vacuum so my house looks clean!! :D  And on top of all of that, our best best friends are here!! They got here this morning from Florida and it is SO GREAT to be with them!!! We have been friends for 13 years. Fast friends and forever friends! Our kids have been close from baby hood and moms and dads and just the whole family. What a wonderful blessing to have them here. On top of that, God fully provided the money and transportation that got them here. He laid it on the heart of some friends of theirs at home to help them get here!!  I am in debited to them!!  This day has been great! And I know that the next 7 days will be too!!!  My pain level is pretty high today and I have been on meds, but I think I can take it with the distraction of my dear dear friends being here!!!
Thank you God for the blessing of friends!! Thank you for bringing them to us for this time!!  Thank you for bringing my hubby home to me! Thank you Thank you!!!!!

Today

I am trying to figure out how to title my entries.  I started with the days of the week.. which would work if I was good about posting every day. Then I try to put in other things.. and as I type, they pop up, meaning I have used that title already. Not like it matters I guess if I use the same title more than one time, but anyway...
Saturday, I dropped my hubby off at the airport. I won't see him again till this coming Saturday night. AAAAK! I HATE when he is out of town. Especially right now, cause I am in "hell week" and feel SUPER CRUMMY. AND we have our BEST BEST friends coming this weekend. Kids and I are going to be busy cleaning. Unfortunately, I don't have all the tools I need to get this job done very well. I am in such need of a REALLY GOOD FUNCTIONING vacuum. We have bought 2 since we moved here almost 4 years ago and they have both gone to vacuum heaven. I don't think it is because of how they are used (or that they are misused) because all they have been used for is *gasp* vacuuming! Anyway, I borrowed my sisters shampooer which I can't use till I have a vacuum that works. I vacuum my house every day. It has now been since Saturday (yup... hubby left and it didn't work) and I am loosing my MIND!!!  3 dogs.. 2 with LOTS of hair.. isn't good on a carpet. It needs cleaned BAD!!!  So, I guess if nothing else, by Thursday I will be BEGGING my neighbor to let me borrow hers. AGAIN.
This has been the frustration of my life of late. It seems like everything in this house is breaking. Dishwasher has been toast for several months.. vacuum, as already discussed, is dead. Washing machine (front loader) needs a new door so it buzzes through the whole wash cycle if we don't put lots of weight in front of it cause it thinks it is open. Dryer door pops open randomly during the dry cycle. DVD player has bit the dust. Radio doesn't work. Wow. I should stop now. I am just depressing myself. Ok, time to start thinking of the good things.
I have a good functioning van that the Lord saw fit to bless me with. I have a roof over my head and food in my mouth. I have the ability to wash my dishes by hand and I have a family to share meals with and make the dishes dirty. I have children and animals that make my life full and fun to mess up the carpets. I have clothes on my back to go in the washer and dryer. I don't have to wash clothes by hand and hang them to dry... I have a husband that loves me and works hard to provide for me. My body does work. Just uncomfortable (or downright painful, but who is counting right?)
Thank you God for the blessing of home and family. Thank you for the difficulties you have chosen to give to me. Help me to use them for your glory. Thank you for caring about my comfort. Thank you for my husband and children. Thank you for my house (even the parts that don't work) and thank you for friends that won't care if things aren't perfect.

Friday

Well, I am defiantly flaring..  I have pain from the base of my head down to my hip on the left side. Even after taking pain meds, it still feels like someone is stabbing me. There is no "comfortable" position. No moving my head this way or that to make it not hurt. I took a bath, I took a shower.. I took drugs. Now all I can do is pray that it passes quickly. Of course, if the past is any example, "quickly" could be weeks. I have been enjoying a bit of a reprieve. Not no pain exactly, but a lot less pain. I guess I have to take the hard with the good. I think that the thyroid meds could be helping some. I don't know though. I think I spend so much time looking for a "miracle drug" that I think everything helps for a while. Although, I was hoping that the thyroid meds would help me start to loose weight.. that maybe the gain was because my thyroid was off and that hasn't happened yet. I guess it is just all in Gods timing. The pain, the weight gain/loss. I am trying not to go into emotional overload. I feel like I am fighting depression back at the door right now. I pray that God will get me through this without the depression because that is a pit that can swallow me up. I think for now, I need to try to learn to focus on the "I am" instead of the "I wish I was". Why is that so hard to do. Why is it so hard to look at all the great things I have and just be thankful instead of being quicker to focus on the things I wish I had or I would like to happen. I am so so very blessed. I have the greatest hubby, kids, friends, and family that I could possibly have. Why isn't that enough?? I am so tired of being selfish. Ok.. list of things to pray for..
1. That my selfish heart will focus on the blessings I have
2. That I will get through this time however long it is without feeling sorry for myself.
3. That depression stays far far away from me!
4. That I can keep doing what I need to do on a daily basis, but also weigh what needs to be done with what I can do and make right choices about my priorities.
Thank you God for this Friday. Thank you for another day that I get to breathe, and love, and care for my family and serve you. Thank you for the job you provided my husband so we have the money to buy food and keep a house over our heads and clothes on our backs. Thank you for my boys that care so much for me they will do anything for me even when they don't want to. Thank you for my understanding hubby that does so much more than he should have to. Thank you that he loves me in spite of myself. Thank you for loving me in spite of myself. Thank you for choosing me before the beginning of time. Thank you for giving up your life on this Earth so I can be saved for eternity. Thank you for every challenge you put before me on a daily basis so I can learn to be patient and gracious and have a gentle and quiet spirit. Thank you for your patience with me in learning these things.

End of the day

Well, I am here at the end of my day. Seems that there is some sort of bug going around my house. I had a bad stomach yesterday, still have the back side of it.. Today, hubby and Ez start feeling crummy. They will probably be better tomorrow. For me, I think it is just starting. Tonight, my pain level is UP. Alot. I am really going back and forth with myself about if I want to take meds or not. I feel like I need to wait till I just can't take it anymore because they are narcotic medications. I know they can be addictive. Last thing I want is to be addicted to meds... prescription or not.. it isn't good. It has been a week or so since I have taken any, so I think I am ok. Just a worry I have. I am proud of myself cause I have kept up with grading for the kids this week. I also, made dinner tonight. YAY ME! I know I should be doing that every day. Half the time, I look at the clock and go.. wow, it is already 4:30 and I have no meat out or anything! I need to get better about that. I have so many things I need to get better about.
Tonight, I am just tired. I am tired of not feeling well. I am tired of the pain. I am tired of feeling like a bad wife, mom, teacher. I am trying to be what/who God wants me to be but am constantly feeling like there is no way I am doing as well as He wants me to. I am trying to figure out why he decided I need the extra difficulty of my health along with trying to take care of the household things that I am supposed to do. I am REALLY trying to find the joy in it. UGH.
Thank you God for getting me through this day, with most everything done. Thank you that I have kids and a hubby that are understanding. Thank you for the fact that no matter how bad I feel, it could be worse. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for every breath I take. Thank you for reminding me to be thankful.

Where did the time go?

I have been thinking about it lately, and realized that it has been a long long time since I have posted. I need to just do it at some point during the day instead of trying to do it at night before I go to bed!!
I guess instead of trying to play catch up for the last month, I will just start with where I am now. I would say, I am in the pits. I am tired no matter what I do... but have still had nights of no sleep. I am achy all over and then have points of serious pain also.. Thankfully, I have had a couple bursts of energy and my house is clean and laundry is done and so I can just rest and try to deal with the pain. I have alot on my mind today. Mostly thinking of others and the emotional pain they are going through. I have always preferred physical pain to emotional. That might sound strange, but it is true. I would rather be punched than called horrible names. I have had both in my life, and I really do prefer physical. I think it is because it seems easier to get over... I guess... I don't know... but just for me... just for today. Anytime you think of something in your body that hurts, think of someone you know that is hurting in their heart and soul. And pray for them. It really does help. That is my focus today.
Thank you God for giving me a focus for my day. Thank you for reminding me how truly blessed I am. Thank you for loving me!

Big changes

Hubby and I have made a decision this last week. We have decided and told the parents that I will not be keeping any kids other than my own on a regular basis. So, starting the beginning of Aug. I will not have full time extra kids. I am excited about that and I am also struggling. I know it is hard to find good, safe child care that is actually affordable. I am in the process of putting my pride aside and realizing that I am not the end all be all savior of everyone.. That is God. :) I am just a mom that has a family of my own to worry about and a health condition that I need to focus on getting under control.
All that being said... Things on the health side are far from under control. I took meds last night and still had such bad pain all night that it woke me up every time I moved. I hate nights like that. Today, I wish I could have stayed in bed. Since I can't, I am spending the day in my chair.. that is pretty much the next best thing. I am trying to get the energy to finish laundry and clean my house. I REALLY don't want my Aunt to see my house in the state it is in.. but, that just might have to happen. I have to also put my pride aside and say.. I can't do it sometimes, and when I can't, this is what you get!  Good thing my family loves me for me I think... :)
Thank you God for giving me the strength to know when I am done and to be able to say it. Thank you for giving me my husband to stand by my side and encourage me and speak up for me when I can't. Thank you for my family that loves me and is understanding even when I am not up to my best. Thank you for giving me the strength to do what I needed to do for the time that I have done it and thank you for this time with just my family. Thank you for your love and care for me.

blah

I guess that says it all. I have been stressed, and in pain, and tired, and feeling sick. I have something wrong with my stomach. I went to my dr. and he did what he thought would help.. but it hasn't. Now he is out of the country for 2 weeks. I might have to see someone else. I don't know if I can wait 2 weeks if it keeps up. My pain has been getting worse and worse. I don't know if it is because I have been doing too much or if it is because my body is just turning again. I went out today for a while just to get out of the house, and ended up with such a bad headache that I had to come home. That was disappointing. Tonight, I made brownies and my feet and legs hurt so bad that I can't hardly walk. I am sure they will feel better in the morning. I would love to still feel good. But at least I got it for the time that I did. I am trying to be thankful for the time of peace that I had and for all the good things that I have right now. I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband. That loves me and takes care of me.. I have wonderful children that love me and take care of me. I have a nice home and way more than I need. I have to remember my blessings.
Thank you Lord for all my blessings. Thank you for the good and for the hard. Thank you for my husband. Thank you for my children. Thank you.

This week

So.. this week has been a long one. We started school. That has been GREAT! My boys enjoy having something to do to keep them busy for some of the day. They get bored and who can blame them. We also have 3 extra kids here in our day. That isn't bad.. just alot. No wonder my pain level has gone up. But I think God has used this time to show me where I am still lacking in my anger control. I have been BAD when it comes to blowing my top. I hate it. On the other side, I have been better about getting up and doing Bible study every morning. I have been hoping that it will help with that and some other issues in my day... but even if it doesn't, I know it is what I should be doing. I had to take pain meds yesterday morning.. that is the first time I have had to do that in a while and I was FEELING it.. I had a hard time functioning. But, I did make it through my day and I am feeling ok right now. Not great.. pain is still pretty high.. but I am not feeling the need to take meds right now.. which is good since I have to take Ethan to class this morning. He only has 3 more days of class I think... He is really enjoying his class though. I took him yesterday and got him all signed up and ready to retake the math part of the Compass test next Wed. He has to pass that to take Chemistry at ACC. Plus.. he will have to take a college math... and he has to pass it to take that too.
I have been really proud of my two older boys the last several weeks. Ezekiel has been stepping up to the plate and being very very helpful and getting done what he needs to do. Ethan is always happy to drop everything and do what I need him to. He is always there to help me. Asher isn't being bad or anything.. just not as grown up as his brothers at this point. I love when things are like they are now cause when I really need help... it is nice to have it.
Thank you God for this week. Thank you that I have been able to get stuff done. Thank you for my boys being willing and able to help where I need them to. Thank you for giving me your Word so I can learn about you. Thank you.

Really behind

Wow.. I have gotten really bad about my daily post. A lot has happened since the last post. Had our family reunion.. and I have 3 extra kids this month.. to mention just the big ones!
Physically, I have been ok... Ya.. gone is the great. Ok has set in. I got shingles the week before family got here. That was fun.. :S  I couldn't believe when I was told thats what it was. Of course, people were saying.. "stress causes shingles" What did I have to be stressed about?? Course, the funny thing is.. I didn't FEEL stressed.. Guess my body was reacting to stuff I wasn't really FEELING. Where my rash was has been pretty miserable. Of course, I don't know of a FUN place to get a shingles rash.. The Dr. told me that alot of times people don't even get the rash.. they just find out that they have shingles because of the pain. I told her I was glad that wasn't the case with me, because in general, I don't go to the dr. for pain so if I hadn't gotten the rash, I may have never known what it was. It is mostly cleared up now which is good. But the rest of my body is going down hill. I ended up taking a muscle relaxer last night because I have such bad pain in my stomach. I don't know if it is fibro related or if there is something else going on. That is what is so frustrating to have pain.. and not know if it "matters".  I am actually going to the Dr. today for my stomach cause there are lots of symptoms involved. Prayerfully, he will look at the symptoms not just say.. pain = fibro. I trust my Dr. .... Mostly. He is a good and Godly man and I would like to take this opportunity to ask for prayers for him through the end of this month. His name is Tom Bohmfalk and he is part of a missions group that goes to Mexico every summer to treat bodies and heart.
Other important thing to talk about... Yesterday, was our anniversary. 13 years! I am so blessed!! He took me out to a fancy dinner and to stay over night in a hotel. It was FABULOUS! Then yesterday we took the kids out for lunch and a movie. I love celebrations that last for days!


Thank you Lord for this time. Thank you for my family. Thank you for friends. Thank you for my husband and for 13 FANTASTIC years together!!! Thank you for giving me a long time with very little pain and thank you for sustaining me through the hard times. Thank you for patience with me. Thank you for dying for me and for loving me!