Big changes

Hubby and I have made a decision this last week. We have decided and told the parents that I will not be keeping any kids other than my own on a regular basis. So, starting the beginning of Aug. I will not have full time extra kids. I am excited about that and I am also struggling. I know it is hard to find good, safe child care that is actually affordable. I am in the process of putting my pride aside and realizing that I am not the end all be all savior of everyone.. That is God. :) I am just a mom that has a family of my own to worry about and a health condition that I need to focus on getting under control.
All that being said... Things on the health side are far from under control. I took meds last night and still had such bad pain all night that it woke me up every time I moved. I hate nights like that. Today, I wish I could have stayed in bed. Since I can't, I am spending the day in my chair.. that is pretty much the next best thing. I am trying to get the energy to finish laundry and clean my house. I REALLY don't want my Aunt to see my house in the state it is in.. but, that just might have to happen. I have to also put my pride aside and say.. I can't do it sometimes, and when I can't, this is what you get!  Good thing my family loves me for me I think... :)
Thank you God for giving me the strength to know when I am done and to be able to say it. Thank you for giving me my husband to stand by my side and encourage me and speak up for me when I can't. Thank you for my family that loves me and is understanding even when I am not up to my best. Thank you for giving me the strength to do what I needed to do for the time that I have done it and thank you for this time with just my family. Thank you for your love and care for me.

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I guess that says it all. I have been stressed, and in pain, and tired, and feeling sick. I have something wrong with my stomach. I went to my dr. and he did what he thought would help.. but it hasn't. Now he is out of the country for 2 weeks. I might have to see someone else. I don't know if I can wait 2 weeks if it keeps up. My pain has been getting worse and worse. I don't know if it is because I have been doing too much or if it is because my body is just turning again. I went out today for a while just to get out of the house, and ended up with such a bad headache that I had to come home. That was disappointing. Tonight, I made brownies and my feet and legs hurt so bad that I can't hardly walk. I am sure they will feel better in the morning. I would love to still feel good. But at least I got it for the time that I did. I am trying to be thankful for the time of peace that I had and for all the good things that I have right now. I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband. That loves me and takes care of me.. I have wonderful children that love me and take care of me. I have a nice home and way more than I need. I have to remember my blessings.
Thank you Lord for all my blessings. Thank you for the good and for the hard. Thank you for my husband. Thank you for my children. Thank you.

This week

So.. this week has been a long one. We started school. That has been GREAT! My boys enjoy having something to do to keep them busy for some of the day. They get bored and who can blame them. We also have 3 extra kids here in our day. That isn't bad.. just alot. No wonder my pain level has gone up. But I think God has used this time to show me where I am still lacking in my anger control. I have been BAD when it comes to blowing my top. I hate it. On the other side, I have been better about getting up and doing Bible study every morning. I have been hoping that it will help with that and some other issues in my day... but even if it doesn't, I know it is what I should be doing. I had to take pain meds yesterday morning.. that is the first time I have had to do that in a while and I was FEELING it.. I had a hard time functioning. But, I did make it through my day and I am feeling ok right now. Not great.. pain is still pretty high.. but I am not feeling the need to take meds right now.. which is good since I have to take Ethan to class this morning. He only has 3 more days of class I think... He is really enjoying his class though. I took him yesterday and got him all signed up and ready to retake the math part of the Compass test next Wed. He has to pass that to take Chemistry at ACC. Plus.. he will have to take a college math... and he has to pass it to take that too.
I have been really proud of my two older boys the last several weeks. Ezekiel has been stepping up to the plate and being very very helpful and getting done what he needs to do. Ethan is always happy to drop everything and do what I need him to. He is always there to help me. Asher isn't being bad or anything.. just not as grown up as his brothers at this point. I love when things are like they are now cause when I really need help... it is nice to have it.
Thank you God for this week. Thank you that I have been able to get stuff done. Thank you for my boys being willing and able to help where I need them to. Thank you for giving me your Word so I can learn about you. Thank you.

Really behind

Wow.. I have gotten really bad about my daily post. A lot has happened since the last post. Had our family reunion.. and I have 3 extra kids this month.. to mention just the big ones!
Physically, I have been ok... Ya.. gone is the great. Ok has set in. I got shingles the week before family got here. That was fun.. :S  I couldn't believe when I was told thats what it was. Of course, people were saying.. "stress causes shingles" What did I have to be stressed about?? Course, the funny thing is.. I didn't FEEL stressed.. Guess my body was reacting to stuff I wasn't really FEELING. Where my rash was has been pretty miserable. Of course, I don't know of a FUN place to get a shingles rash.. The Dr. told me that alot of times people don't even get the rash.. they just find out that they have shingles because of the pain. I told her I was glad that wasn't the case with me, because in general, I don't go to the dr. for pain so if I hadn't gotten the rash, I may have never known what it was. It is mostly cleared up now which is good. But the rest of my body is going down hill. I ended up taking a muscle relaxer last night because I have such bad pain in my stomach. I don't know if it is fibro related or if there is something else going on. That is what is so frustrating to have pain.. and not know if it "matters".  I am actually going to the Dr. today for my stomach cause there are lots of symptoms involved. Prayerfully, he will look at the symptoms not just say.. pain = fibro. I trust my Dr. .... Mostly. He is a good and Godly man and I would like to take this opportunity to ask for prayers for him through the end of this month. His name is Tom Bohmfalk and he is part of a missions group that goes to Mexico every summer to treat bodies and heart.
Other important thing to talk about... Yesterday, was our anniversary. 13 years! I am so blessed!! He took me out to a fancy dinner and to stay over night in a hotel. It was FABULOUS! Then yesterday we took the kids out for lunch and a movie. I love celebrations that last for days!


Thank you Lord for this time. Thank you for my family. Thank you for friends. Thank you for my husband and for 13 FANTASTIC years together!!! Thank you for giving me a long time with very little pain and thank you for sustaining me through the hard times. Thank you for patience with me. Thank you for dying for me and for loving me!