Back to normal

Well, our friends went home. We are praying and trying not to be overly hopeful, but hubby is hoping to help our friend get a job at Dell. That would be so amazing!! We haven't lived in the same town for 10 years... or well almost.. and it is TIME!!! We had the greatest time with them!!  I also had alot of pain this week. there were times that it was easy to ignore and just function. Then there were other times that I had to be down. At least I had my friend to visit with when I was down!! :D The greatest thing about the week was that everyone was happy and got along. The dogs.. (all 7 of them) were happy with each other. The kids.. (all 6 of them) were great together!! Very little interference from the grownups. The adults all had fun together. Hubby had to work which was hard because he and John didn't get as much time together. The most important thing this trip did was show my hubby just how much he really misses having a close friend. He has friends here but it isn't the same thing. Just like me. I have friends here, but it isn't Jeni. She has been with me through all the important things in my adult life and the freindship I have with her is not something you can come by easily. :-)
Thank you God for this time with our friends. Thank you for blessing the time with fun and relaxation. Thank you for all being relaxed and happy. Thank you for the thoughts of them moving close to us. Thank you for a good week. Thank you for every blessing.

blessings

Well, I figure if I can use this format to complain, I also need to use it to celebrate!!  Today is Friday! That means my wonderful, handsome, sweet, amazing, hubby will be home tomorrow!! Last night I have to sleep alone!! I am SO HAPPY!! I hate when he is gone!!  Second, we were blessed with the gift of borrowing a vacuum so my house looks clean!! :D  And on top of all of that, our best best friends are here!! They got here this morning from Florida and it is SO GREAT to be with them!!! We have been friends for 13 years. Fast friends and forever friends! Our kids have been close from baby hood and moms and dads and just the whole family. What a wonderful blessing to have them here. On top of that, God fully provided the money and transportation that got them here. He laid it on the heart of some friends of theirs at home to help them get here!!  I am in debited to them!!  This day has been great! And I know that the next 7 days will be too!!!  My pain level is pretty high today and I have been on meds, but I think I can take it with the distraction of my dear dear friends being here!!!
Thank you God for the blessing of friends!! Thank you for bringing them to us for this time!!  Thank you for bringing my hubby home to me! Thank you Thank you!!!!!

Today

I am trying to figure out how to title my entries.  I started with the days of the week.. which would work if I was good about posting every day. Then I try to put in other things.. and as I type, they pop up, meaning I have used that title already. Not like it matters I guess if I use the same title more than one time, but anyway...
Saturday, I dropped my hubby off at the airport. I won't see him again till this coming Saturday night. AAAAK! I HATE when he is out of town. Especially right now, cause I am in "hell week" and feel SUPER CRUMMY. AND we have our BEST BEST friends coming this weekend. Kids and I are going to be busy cleaning. Unfortunately, I don't have all the tools I need to get this job done very well. I am in such need of a REALLY GOOD FUNCTIONING vacuum. We have bought 2 since we moved here almost 4 years ago and they have both gone to vacuum heaven. I don't think it is because of how they are used (or that they are misused) because all they have been used for is *gasp* vacuuming! Anyway, I borrowed my sisters shampooer which I can't use till I have a vacuum that works. I vacuum my house every day. It has now been since Saturday (yup... hubby left and it didn't work) and I am loosing my MIND!!!  3 dogs.. 2 with LOTS of hair.. isn't good on a carpet. It needs cleaned BAD!!!  So, I guess if nothing else, by Thursday I will be BEGGING my neighbor to let me borrow hers. AGAIN.
This has been the frustration of my life of late. It seems like everything in this house is breaking. Dishwasher has been toast for several months.. vacuum, as already discussed, is dead. Washing machine (front loader) needs a new door so it buzzes through the whole wash cycle if we don't put lots of weight in front of it cause it thinks it is open. Dryer door pops open randomly during the dry cycle. DVD player has bit the dust. Radio doesn't work. Wow. I should stop now. I am just depressing myself. Ok, time to start thinking of the good things.
I have a good functioning van that the Lord saw fit to bless me with. I have a roof over my head and food in my mouth. I have the ability to wash my dishes by hand and I have a family to share meals with and make the dishes dirty. I have children and animals that make my life full and fun to mess up the carpets. I have clothes on my back to go in the washer and dryer. I don't have to wash clothes by hand and hang them to dry... I have a husband that loves me and works hard to provide for me. My body does work. Just uncomfortable (or downright painful, but who is counting right?)
Thank you God for the blessing of home and family. Thank you for the difficulties you have chosen to give to me. Help me to use them for your glory. Thank you for caring about my comfort. Thank you for my husband and children. Thank you for my house (even the parts that don't work) and thank you for friends that won't care if things aren't perfect.

Friday

Well, I am defiantly flaring..  I have pain from the base of my head down to my hip on the left side. Even after taking pain meds, it still feels like someone is stabbing me. There is no "comfortable" position. No moving my head this way or that to make it not hurt. I took a bath, I took a shower.. I took drugs. Now all I can do is pray that it passes quickly. Of course, if the past is any example, "quickly" could be weeks. I have been enjoying a bit of a reprieve. Not no pain exactly, but a lot less pain. I guess I have to take the hard with the good. I think that the thyroid meds could be helping some. I don't know though. I think I spend so much time looking for a "miracle drug" that I think everything helps for a while. Although, I was hoping that the thyroid meds would help me start to loose weight.. that maybe the gain was because my thyroid was off and that hasn't happened yet. I guess it is just all in Gods timing. The pain, the weight gain/loss. I am trying not to go into emotional overload. I feel like I am fighting depression back at the door right now. I pray that God will get me through this without the depression because that is a pit that can swallow me up. I think for now, I need to try to learn to focus on the "I am" instead of the "I wish I was". Why is that so hard to do. Why is it so hard to look at all the great things I have and just be thankful instead of being quicker to focus on the things I wish I had or I would like to happen. I am so so very blessed. I have the greatest hubby, kids, friends, and family that I could possibly have. Why isn't that enough?? I am so tired of being selfish. Ok.. list of things to pray for..
1. That my selfish heart will focus on the blessings I have
2. That I will get through this time however long it is without feeling sorry for myself.
3. That depression stays far far away from me!
4. That I can keep doing what I need to do on a daily basis, but also weigh what needs to be done with what I can do and make right choices about my priorities.
Thank you God for this Friday. Thank you for another day that I get to breathe, and love, and care for my family and serve you. Thank you for the job you provided my husband so we have the money to buy food and keep a house over our heads and clothes on our backs. Thank you for my boys that care so much for me they will do anything for me even when they don't want to. Thank you for my understanding hubby that does so much more than he should have to. Thank you that he loves me in spite of myself. Thank you for loving me in spite of myself. Thank you for choosing me before the beginning of time. Thank you for giving up your life on this Earth so I can be saved for eternity. Thank you for every challenge you put before me on a daily basis so I can learn to be patient and gracious and have a gentle and quiet spirit. Thank you for your patience with me in learning these things.

End of the day

Well, I am here at the end of my day. Seems that there is some sort of bug going around my house. I had a bad stomach yesterday, still have the back side of it.. Today, hubby and Ez start feeling crummy. They will probably be better tomorrow. For me, I think it is just starting. Tonight, my pain level is UP. Alot. I am really going back and forth with myself about if I want to take meds or not. I feel like I need to wait till I just can't take it anymore because they are narcotic medications. I know they can be addictive. Last thing I want is to be addicted to meds... prescription or not.. it isn't good. It has been a week or so since I have taken any, so I think I am ok. Just a worry I have. I am proud of myself cause I have kept up with grading for the kids this week. I also, made dinner tonight. YAY ME! I know I should be doing that every day. Half the time, I look at the clock and go.. wow, it is already 4:30 and I have no meat out or anything! I need to get better about that. I have so many things I need to get better about.
Tonight, I am just tired. I am tired of not feeling well. I am tired of the pain. I am tired of feeling like a bad wife, mom, teacher. I am trying to be what/who God wants me to be but am constantly feeling like there is no way I am doing as well as He wants me to. I am trying to figure out why he decided I need the extra difficulty of my health along with trying to take care of the household things that I am supposed to do. I am REALLY trying to find the joy in it. UGH.
Thank you God for getting me through this day, with most everything done. Thank you that I have kids and a hubby that are understanding. Thank you for the fact that no matter how bad I feel, it could be worse. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for every breath I take. Thank you for reminding me to be thankful.