Tuesday

Today, my youngest son turned 10. I officially have no more kids in the double digits. That makes me happy. I want my boys to grow. And as they grow they get smarter and funner and it is just great. This has NOT been a good day. Physically, I have been in so much pain, I am nauseous. I guess the gardening I did yesterday was a bad idea. I enjoyed it, and I wish I could do more... but ah well.  Emotionally,  this has been a hard day too.
You know when you have those days when seems like anything you say/do is just wrong. So you decide to do your work quietly and try not to do more than what you know you need to do... and that is wrong too. That was my day today. Everything I said, I got snapped at. Everything I did, I got told to stop... 
I get frustrated sometimes with that. I know that my family wants to help me especially on days that I don't feel well, but it makes me feel useless and unneeded. I know that our feelings are not always to be trusted. I also know that I need to be thankful that my family loves me and wants to help and take care of me. I am thankful for that. I just wish that I didn't have to have them do that. I am supposed to be taking care of them not the other way around.
I am at the point today that Gavin touching my arm, makes me feel like I have been punched. My skin hurts... My bra strap hurts. Even my hair hurts.
Thank you Lord for today. Thank you for my boys, today especially for my son that turned 10 today. Thank you for my husband that has a heart of care for me. That will do all that he can to keep me from being hurt more than I already do. Thank you for an understanding family that helps me. Thank you for another day of breath and love and care. Thank you for giving me the desire to take care of people even if it isn't your will for me to always be able to.